Self-Esteem Expert - Dr. Joe Rubino

Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at The Self-Esteem System and receive the free insightful audio program "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" and a 1 year subscription to "The Success Achievers' Club"…a $129 Value! 
7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem is the insightful, eye-opening audio program based on the internationally best-selling book, "The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness."

Learn the reasons why this program has been the primary guide for thousands to totally improve their lives by elevating their self-esteem.  Healthy Self-Esteem is the #1 factor for all successes in life! Get this Complimentary MP3 Audio Program Now and You will Find Out:

  • Why over 85% of the World's Citizens Experience Negative Effects from Diminished Self-Esteem
  • That Often our 'Lack' of Self-Esteem is so Subtle that we Don't Even Notice It
  • Why Lacking Self-Esteem is the #1 Cause of Most Negative Emotions such as Anger, Hurt, Greed, Fear, and Guilt to name just a Few

Plus You Will Learn Things Like:

  • How to Replace Negative Messages with New Core Beliefs that Support Your Happiness and Excellence
  • How to Heal the Past and Stop the Downward Spiral of Self-Sabotage
  • How to Implement n easy to follow system that will Impact Your Life in a Dramatically Positive Manner

PLUS - You'll receive a 1 Year Subscription to The Success Achievers Club - filled with wisdom, insightful articles, tips, free and discounted offers for those interested in possessing Extreme Self-Esteem and maximizing their happiness, success, wealth, and personal effectiveness.

Get Your Free Copy of "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem Audio" Here: The Self-Esteem System  and support Joe in realizing his vision of elevating the self-esteem level of 20 million people and thereby raising the consciousness of the planet by spreading the word to everyone you know.

Dr. Joe's 11 best selling books and audio programs are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries and include:

  • The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life. 
  • The Success Code, Books I & II
  • The Magic Lantern: A Fable about Leadership, Personal Excellence, and Empowerment
  • The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation

Dr. Joe offers powerful personal and group coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. To contact him, call 888-821-3135 or email DrJoe@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com .

 
Dr. Joe's Free E-book

“7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem” by Dr. Joe Rubino.  Receive your copy of this Highly Acclaimed, Life Impacting Recording: Visit: Self Esteem System
The Impact of Lacking Self-Esteem on Business Professionals
by Dr. Joe Rubino

Studies show that at least 85% or more of the world's people suffer from some degree of lacking self-esteem. Although one might think that such challenges are only characteristic of the poor, uneducated, or lower socio-economic members of society, people from all walks of life can suffer situational or more widespread challenges with their levels of self-esteem.

Many very successful business people lack self-esteem in some areas of their lives. Perhaps they feel socially challenged or they have difficulty establishing close or intimate relationships. Perhaps they experience low self-esteem with regard to their physical appearance or their health. Perhaps they are not having any fun in their lives, maybe devoting too much attention to their work. Many "successful" people are driven to succeed. They compensate for feeling deficient in other areas of their lives by working harder and finding a place they can excel through their work. This provides them with a new focus where they can win but it doesn't fulfill their neglected needs in other areas like relationships, recreation, personal and spiritual development, health and appearance and their ability to lead balanced, fun, and fulfilling lives.

It's not that there is something wrong with finding an occupational niche where one can be successful and feel good about oneself. However, many of those lacking self-esteem in other areas find themselves driven to accomplish, driven to prove their worth. Since business is an area where they can shine, they neglect other areas to focus excessively on business.

However, since their actions are built upon the erroneous belief that they are somehow not good enough, somehow defective or unworthy of being fully loved and accepted, there is little lasting satisfaction even in the arenas where they can excel. It's as though they are climbing a ladder with the top of the ladder in the clouds. They think that if they can just climb high enough, they will be successful. They will have proven their worth. They will find satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment. However, as they climb higher and higher, they never seem to arrive. There are always new goals and objectives challenging them to prove their worth. The more they achieve, the more they have yet to go. Try as they will, they never seem to fully measure up. Or, if they do, it is short-lived and fleeting at best. There is no arriving to the point where they find what they long for so badly - the peace of mind that comes from self-love and self-acceptance.

Because the foundation of their ladder is grounded on quicksand, they often find themselves sinking as rapidly as they climb. In fact, from their perspective, they will never reach the perfection they seek so badly. They will always find evidence to highlight their flaws and reinforce their fears of being unworthy, unlovable, defective in some way.

The message that The Self-Esteem System is predicated upon is simple. No one needs to settle for a dimmed existence due to a lacking sense of self-worth.  Most people either make up or buy into thoughts that there is something wrong with them, that they are somehow inadequate, not good enough and not worthy of being loved and accessing all the good things that life has to offer. If they are willing to examine their past to get to the source of their resignation and diminished self-esteem, they can reinterpret what happened to them in such a way that they can heal and complete the past and eliminate negative self-talk while making a conscious decision to live their lives from a decision to strive for excellence and contribute to others. By developing a firm belief that they can impact people and the world around them and that they are, in fact, very worthy of receiving life's blessings, they will manifest happiness and fulfillment.

In addition to the cost of never finding true happiness, long-term fulfillment, or peace, lacking self-esteem impacts business people in many other ways. For example, by not getting to the source of their self-esteem issues, they sacrifice their personal power, their ability to best pursue their life purpose and fully manifest their gifts in the world. If our energy is spent by being preoccupied with our weaknesses or being incomplete with our past, we can never be fully present to today and so we sacrifice our true potential to bring about a result.

Our relationships suffer as we will misinterpret the words and actions of others in a way that invalidates us and has us feel badly about who we are. We may be so driven to prove we are good enough that we sacrifice our personal effectiveness and charisma by focusing on ourselves and our deficiencies rather than on the wants and needs of others. We may play small and hide out in social situations or whenever the possibility of looking bad or "being found out" comes up for us. Or, we may overcompensate and turn to workaholic tendencies out of a desire to prove our worth to others or to ourselves. Because of this misdirected focus, we trade our ability to impact others maximally and to best contribute our gifts to the world.

The answer to escaping the vicious cycle of lacking self-esteem, diminished confidence, and the never-ending, frustrating quest for fulfillment lies in the 3 step process I lay out in detail in The Self-Esteem Book. The process starts with healing one's past so that it no longer robs us of energy and consumes our attention. Once the pull of past ghosts is complete, we can then turn our attention to properly analyzing our present state of affairs. We can identify what's working in our lives and what's missing to support living an upset-free life in choice, a life that honors our most important values and inspires us to live passionately.

And finally, we can take that magic wand that is our birth-right, wave it over our lives and design our future deliberately. We can choose to do so in a way that excites us, as we cast off that gloomy state of low self-esteem, unhealthy resignation and self-pity that no longer supports us. We can live with the intention to honor our God-given magnificence and lead happy, fulfilled lives that fully contribute to others as we share our gifts with the world.

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Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed personal development trainer, a life-changing success coach and best selling author of 9 books and 2 tape sets on topics ranging from how to achieve business success, personal and leadership development to restoring self-esteem and maximizing business productivity. An acclaimed speaker and course leader, he is known for his work in supporting people to increase their self-esteem, team building, leadership development, listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.

His best selling books and audios are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries. These include:

  • The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Important Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life
  • The Success Code: 29 Principles for Achieving Maximum Abundance, Success, Charisma, and Personal Power in Your Life
  • The Success Code, Book II: More Authentic Power Principles for Creating Your Dream Life
  • The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation
  • The Magic Lantern: A Fable about Leadership, Personal Excellence and Empowerment

Dr. Joe offers powerful personal coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. To contact him, call 888-821-3135 or email Joe@TheSelfEsteemBook.com . Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at:
Self Esteem System and pick up a free audio entitled "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem."

Dr Rubino is the CEO of Center For Personal Reinvention, an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He has impacted the lives of more than 2 million people through self-esteem work, personal and group coaching, and personal and leadership development. He is a certified success coach in life planning technology and the co-developer of the life-changing course, Conversations for Success, a program that provides participants with the tools to maximize their self-esteem, productivity and personal effectiveness with others. His vision is to personally impact the lives of twenty million people to be their best and to shift the paradigm around resignation - that is, that anyone can affect positive change in their own lives and in the lives of others - if they believe they can.

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Back to Dr. Joe's Articles
Completing Your Past
by Dr. Joe Rubino


Does the following scenario remind you of anyone?

Sue was totally in love with Jim. The couple met in high school and dated for eight years. Everyone who knew them expected them to get married and live happily ever after together. Then Jim met Karen. Before anyone knew what was happening - including Sue - Jim had eloped with Karen, putting an end to all of Sue's dreams and expectations.

Sue was devastated. All she could think about was Jim and how she had been cheated out of a happy and secure lifetime with him.

She attempted to date other guys but no one could compare to Jim in her eyes. Sue spent her days feeling sorry for herself and dreaming that one-day, Jim would return to her.

After many years, Sue finally married another man. However, he could not measure up to Sue's memory of Jim. As a result, Sue's marriage was an unhappy one in which she never was able to give her all to her husband. After a number of unhappy years, her husband left Sue as well.

Sue lived out the remaining years of her life lonely, embittered and righteously indignant about how she had been wronged.

It is impossible to be totally present to life, living full out in the moment, if we are incomplete with our past. Instead of welcoming each new experience with a fresh perspective, we become bogged down in the baggage from previously unresolved issues. These issues steal our life energy and diminish of self-esteem.

All too often, when something does not work out as we had hoped, we worry about or re-live the event over and over again. Maintaining our focus on the past distracts and confuses us, draining our energy. With less energy to focus on making the present an exciting passionate adventure, we slip into resignation and begin to see ourselves as limited, ineffective, unworthy, and even unlovable.

The future presents us with an opportunity to complete the past. When we do so, people and events no longer possess an emotional charge. Communicating responsibly with the appropriate people and releasing any remaining opinions, feelings, upsets or emotions until there is nothing left to say is the access to clearing all residue that may interfere with moving on in life. When there is nothing left to say or do and you are void of further energy around an incomplete incident, you can start anew.

Completion is a declaration you make that you are satisfied for now and ready to move on to what's next. When you are complete, you no longer feel the need to change, worry or fix something in your past. Your focus can rightfully be placed on your present actions and situation as you design a compelling future deliberately.

There is value in declaring yourself complete at the end of each day. This declaration allows you to recognize your accomplishments for the day putting your mind at rest so that you can start fresh the next day. When you are complete, you experience a new vitality and aliveness. There is a special sense of certainty and excitement that allows you to be most productive and present for whatever project or opportunity is next. However, most of the time we never quite reach that level of freedom due to our reluctance to communicate all there is to say in order to put it all behind us.
Do not confuse completion with being finished or with quitting. Being finished means you are done with doing whatever it is you've finished. Quitting is about your decision to stop what you are doing whether you are finished or not. There are times when quitting does not support you if you are quitting for the wrong reason. For example, you quit because you cannot be with an interpretation of failing or perhaps, because you are unwilling to take responsibility for communicating what is so for you in the appropriate manner.

Although there is little room in our society for quitters, there is no dishonor in quitting if you are clear about the consequences of your decision and staying at it no longer serves you. All there is to do is simply tell the truth - and go on to whatever is next for you.

EXERCISE FOR COMPLETION

  1. Make a list of all those people with whom you are still angry or have an existing challenge or incompletion.
  2. Within the next 30 days, complete with everyone on your list. For those who are deceased or unreachable, write a completion letter saying everything you need to say in order to be complete. 
  3. For every interaction or situation you experience daily, ask yourself if you are complete, satisfied and fulfilled. Is there anything left to say or do that would allow you to put any incompletions behind you?
  4. As you declare each situation complete, look to see what action, project or area of research is next for you.
  5. Identify any areas where you have quit. Have you told the truth and completed with your decision to quit? Is there anything left to do or say to anyone about it?
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Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert on the topic of self-esteem, a  life-changing personal development trainer and success coach and best selling author of 9 books and 2 Audio sets on topics ranging from how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and productivity in business.  An acclaimed speaker and course leader, he is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.

His best selling books and audio programs are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries. His personal development titles include:
o The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.  Visit Self Esteem System for more information.

  • The Success Code: 29 Principles for Achieving Maximum Abundance, Success, Charisma, and Personal Power in Your Life
  • The Success Code, Book II: More Authentic Power Principles for Creating Your Dream Life
  • The Magic Lantern: A Fable about Leadership, Personal Excellence, and Empowerment
  • The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation

Dr Rubino is the CEO of The Center for Personal Reinvention, an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He has impacted the lives of more than 2 million people through self-esteem work, life and business coaching, and personal and leadership development. Dr. Rubino was featured on the cover of Success Magazine and in their cover story, "We Create Millionaires" for his ability to impact people's lives. He is a certified success coach in life planning technology and the co-developer of the life-changing course, Conversations for Success, a program that provides participants with the tools to maximize their self-esteem, productivity and personal effectiveness with others. His vision is to personally impact the lives of twenty million people to be their best and to shift the paradigm around resignation - that is, that anyone can affect positive change in their own lives and in the lives of others - if they believe they can.

Dr. Joe offers powerful coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. To contact him, call 888-821-3135 or email DrJoeRubino@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com. Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at: Self Esteem System and receive the free insightful audio program "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" and a 1 year subscription to "The Success Achievers'

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Back to Dr. Joe's Articles
30 Things You Can Do to Champion Your Children to Have Soaring Self-Esteem
by Dr. Joe Rubino

Research points to the fact that each child suffers an early assault to his or her self-esteem at a young age, typically between birth and 6 years of age. The child's initial realization that he or she is imperfect and somehow does not measure up, is flawed, or is not worthy of love, happiness, rich relationships, abundance, and fulfillment comes as a result of this early traumatic episode when the child either buys into the disparaging view of another or creates an interpretation that he or she is defective in some important way, even though no such conclusion was offered or intended by another.

From the time of this early realization forward, the child will scan for situations that reinforce this initial assumption that there is something not good enough about who he or she is intrinsically. Over the years and decades of gathering such evidence and actually creating it as a self-fulfilling prophesy, the child and later the adult develops a certain and unshakable belief in his or her imperfection. Diminished self-esteem and the resulting expectations of failure, struggle, suffering, broken relationships, and hurt are the inevitable result.

There are many things that parents can do to champion their children to possess a strong self-image and high self-esteem. These include the following.

  1. Love them unconditionally.
  2. Distinguish bad behavior from being a bad person.
  3. Speak to children respectfully and acknowledge them daily for some worthwhile quality they possess.
  4. Empower them to have the confidence to make their own choices.
  5. Remind them regularly that everyone has unique gifts. Support them to identify what theirs are.
  6. Look with the child to identify what may be missing that if put into place would allow him to be more effective, rather than looking for what's wrong with them.
  7. Assist each child to identify and pursue special hobbies, interests, and passions.
  8. Regularly support children to see the other person's perspective and to possess empathy and understanding.
  9. Set the example of forgiveness by forgiving yourself, forgiving your children, and forgiving others so that your children might learn to do the same.
  10. Live with gratitude and support your children to be aware of and grateful for their many blessings.
  11. Teach each child to expect success, happiness, rich relationships, and abundance.
  12. Teach children the art of visioning and support them to create a written personal vision for every aspect of their lives and to co-create a family vision with all family members.
  13. Teach children to set goals that are attainable, but a stretch.
  14. Teach them to identify their most prevalent emotional response to stressful situations and to create mood-free interpretations at will that are free of anger, sadness, and fear by developing empathy for the other person's perspective.
  15. Teach children effective organizational and study skills.
  16. Teach them to gain clarity about what their intentions are and reinforce the value of acting in alignment with their commitments, rather than what is most convenient.
  17. Teach children the power of decisive, focused action and the costs of procrastination.
  18. Teach the value of daily exercise, sufficient sleep, and proper nutrition by being an example yourself.
  19. Love yourself and give up your right to invalidate yourself and teach them this same worthwhile practice.
  20. Include contribution as a family value, teaching children to contribute regularly to others and especially to those in need.
  21. Eliminate negative influences from your life and show children how to focus on the positive in every situation.
  22. Add balance to your life and show children the value of integrating work and play.
  23. Enjoy the process of life and find happiness in the course of everyday.
  24. Stress to children their ability to influence others by acting intentionally.
  25. Remind children of their significance and that they are loved and accepted for who they are.
  26. Teach children to welcome problems by understanding that each problem possesses for them an insightful gift awaiting their discovery.
  27. Teach children to identify their most important values and to honor them in all their decisions so that they might live without regrets.
  28. Teach children to respect the magnificence of others and support them to understand that they can learn something from every single person if they listen with this intention.
  29. Teach children the difference between self-esteem and ego by encouraging their appreciation for what it is like in the world of others and assisting them to develop their effectiveness with other people.
  30. Live by example, acknowledge when you make a mistake, do whatever is necessary to clean it up and teach children the value of doing the same.

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Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert on the topic of self-esteem, a  life-changing personal development trainer and success coach and best selling author of 9 books and 2 Audio sets on topics ranging from how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and productivity in business.  An acclaimed speaker and course leader, he is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.

His best selling books and audio programs are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries. His personal development titles include:
  • The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.  Visit Self Esteem System for more information.
  • The Success Code: 29 Principles for Achieving Maximum Abundance, Success, Charisma, and Personal Power in Your Life
  • The Success Code, Book II: More Authentic Power Principles for Creating Your Dream Life
  • The Magic Lantern: A Fable about Leadership, Personal Excellence, and Empowerment
  • The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation

Dr Rubino is the CEO of Center For Personal Reinvention, an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He has impacted the lives of more than 2 million people through self-esteem work, life and business coaching, and personal and leadership development. Dr. Rubino was featured on the cover of Success Magazine and in their cover story, "We Create Millionaires" for his ability to impact people's lives. He is a certified success coach in life planning technology and the co-developer of the life-changing course, Conversations for Success, a program that provides participants with the tools to maximize their self-esteem, productivity and personal effectiveness with others. His vision is to personally impact the lives of twenty million people to be their best and to shift the paradigm around resignation - that is, that anyone can affect positive change in their own lives and in the lives of others - if they believe they can.

Dr. Joe offers powerful coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. To contact him, call 888-821-3135 or email DrJoeRubino@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com. Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at Self Esteem System and receive the free insightful audio program "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" and a 1 year subscription to "The Success Achievers' Club"…a $129 Value! 

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Back to Dr. Joe's Articles
Championing Your Children to Develop High Self-Esteem
by Dr. Joe Rubino

Studies show that high self-esteem is the #1 ingredient essential for developing happiness, fulfillment, rich relationships, and overall success in life. In the life of every child, usually sometime between birth and age 6, something happens to have the child doubt him or herself. Someone says or does something that has the child believe that he or she is flawed, unlovable, not worthy, imperfect.

This initial stressful incident is the first real realization that the child is not perfect and fails to measure up to society's standards in some important way. The initial upset can be one of two types. The first assault could be an unkind word from a peer or authority figure, a spanking, an insult, an argument, a bullying or name calling episode. It could occur as a direct result of something the child said or did that provoked an attack on his or her sense of worthiness or ability to fit in.

The second type of self-esteem diminishing episode can be as a result of the child misinterpreting someone's words or actions to mean that the child is flawed, unlovable, or defective in some way. In such a case, no insult or demeaning connotation was intended. The facts were that someone said or did something. The child mistakenly made up that there was something wrong with him or her as a result of what was said or done.

Daily, there are hundreds of opportunities for a child to misinterpret life in a way that tarnishes their self-image over the long term. A common example of such a misinterpretation can be when parents get divorced. What happened was the adults fell out of love or realized that they wanted to separate. What the child made up was that if he had only been a better boy and did a better job cleaning his room, or picking up his toys, mom and dad wouldn't have fought so much and would still be together. The child may make up that he is bad and people leave him because of this.

Another example of this faulty reasoning might be an episode where the parents drop off a child for a week with a relative. Perhaps they feel they need a vacation or might need to tend to some business matter and decide that it would be easier for the child to be minded by a sitter. The child makes up that his parents don't love him and that people want to get rid of him. With this sort of tendency toward faulty interpretation, there are literally thousands of opportunities for the child to attach a meaning to the situation that begins the process of eroding self-esteem.

The process of diminished self-esteem does not stop at such an initial decision regarding the child's value. The child, armed with the belief that she is not good enough, now scans for additional situations that may serve as more evidence to reinforce this initial thought of being flawed. During such potentially upsetting events, the child reinforces this idea of unworthiness by further interpreting life events to prove the fact that she is defective. After years of accumulating such evidence, their self-image deteriorates further with every episode. Before long, there is no doubt in the person's mind that there is something wrong with them. After all, they have created a self-fulfilling prophesy to cement this belief firmly in their self-perception.

Parents can do much to support their children to feel good about themselves and to champion their child's self-image. They can continually reinforce the concept that no one is perfect and all one can do is their best. They can be a source of unconditional love, supporting the child at every opportunity and encouraging them to see themselves as worthy of affection, abundance, love, and trust. They can make sure that the child understands that they, as parents, might not always agree with the child's behavior. However, they can continually reinforce that the child is NOT their behavior. Everyone makes mistakes and life is a process of learning and growing. No matter what mistakes the child makes, he or she must realize that they are always inherently good, lovable, and worthy.

Parents can continually reinforce that they love their children unconditionally. Children need to realize that even when they make mistakes and parents do not approve of their behavior, this does not affect their love for them or their sense of value. Children will benefit from knowing that they are loved for who they are, not just what they do.

Parents can speak respectfully to their children, reassuring them of their competence, capability, and inherent value. They can empower them to make their own choices whenever possible, fostering their belief in their own ability to make wise decisions and learn from any mistakes. They can give them responsibilities that nurture their self-confidence and belief in their abilities. Whether that looks like making their bed, helping with household chores, or selecting their favorite juice at the grocery store, each can serve as an opportunity for the child to grow in self-confidence.

Parents can consistently acknowledge their children for worthwhile qualities they see in them. They can get into the habit of finding something good about them every day and pointing it out. Parents can support their children to see what might be missing for them to be more effective with other people or in accomplishing their goals. Rather than focusing on their weakness and faults, they can empower their strengths and communicate that everyone has unique talents and gifts that make them special. They can support children to identify their passions and pursue their special interests and develop their gifts.

Parents can teach their children to interpret life with empathy. They can support them to imagine what it is like in another person's world so they can better understand why people do the things they do. They can support their children to not take the reactions of others personally. When children realize that no one else can make them angry, sad or afraid, only they themselves can, they learn to not be reactive and easily provoked by others' issues. Parents can teach their children to forgive themselves for mistakes they make. They can teach them the value of cleaning up any mistakes by speaking and acting responsibly. They can also teach them to forgive others, knowing that they are doing the best they can based upon how they see the world. This does not mean that we condone bad behavior. It means that we can better understand why others do hurtful things at times and separate out that they do them rather than interpreting that they do them TO us.

Parents can teach their children to have gratitude for their blessings in life. They can teach them that the world is an endless source of abundance for those who believe in themselves and their ability to attract good things. They can teach them to expect success, happiness, rich relationships, and abundance. They can also teach them to play full out for what they want, committed to their goals with a vision of success without being attached to any result.

Many mistakenly confuse high self-esteem with ego. It is important to distinguish between fostering high self-esteem in children, as opposed to creating ego-maniacs obsessed with themselves at the expense of others. High overall self-esteem means being competent and capable of producing a result in every area of life. This includes being effective in our relationships and in our communication with others with an appreciation for what it is like in the world of other people.  Those who care only about themselves with no concern for others do not, by my definition, possess high self-esteem.

It would serve parents to commit to themselves being perpetual students of personal development, knowing that their children will model their actions and their approach to life. It is with such an energy of respect, love, and acceptance that children will receive the tools they'll need to grow into self-actualized, happy, and self-assured adults possessing high self-esteem.

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Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert on the topic of self-esteem, a  life-changing personal development trainer and success coach and best selling author of 9 books and 2 Audio sets on topics ranging from how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and productivity in business.  An acclaimed speaker and course leader, he is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.

His best selling books and audio programs are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries. His personal development titles include:
  • The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.  Visit Self Esteem System for more information.
  • The Success Code: 29 Principles for Achieving Maximum Abundance, Success, Charisma, and Personal Power in Your Life
  • The Success Code, Book II: More Authentic Power Principles for Creating Your Dream Life
  • The Magic Lantern: A Fable about Leadership, Personal Excellence, and Empowerment
  • The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation

Dr Rubino is the CEO of The Center for Personal Reinvention, an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He has impacted the lives of more than 2 million people through self-esteem work, life and business coaching, and personal and leadership development. Dr. Rubino was featured on the cover of Success Magazine and in their cover story, "We Create Millionaires" for his ability to impact people's lives. He is a certified success coach in life planning technology and the co-developer of the life-changing course, Conversations for Success, a program that provides participants with the tools to maximize their self-esteem, productivity and personal effectiveness with others. His vision is to personally impact the lives of twenty million people to be their best and to shift the paradigm around resignation - that is, that anyone can affect positive change in their own lives and in the lives of others - if they believe they can.

Dr. Joe offers powerful coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. To contact him, call 888-821-3135 or email DrJoeRubino@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com. Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at  Self Esteem System and receive the free insightful audio program "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" and a 1 year subscription to "The Success Achievers' Club"…a $129 Value! 

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Back to Dr. Joe's Articles
Are You Acting from Gratitude, Love, and Trust or Doubt and Fear?
by Dr. Joe Rubino

As human beings, we operate daily reflecting a wide range of emotions with a multitude of motivations fueling our behaviors. All too often, we react emotionally to what others say or do. If our reactions are preceded by the emotions of fear, anger, or sadness, we forfeit our ability to act with personal power and effectiveness in lieu of a knee-jerk response. This reaction is all too often sourced in fear and low self-esteem. We may focus on what's wrong with us and our lives, fear being controlled, hurt, or taken advantage of. We may overlook the many things we have in our lives for which we should rightly be grateful, doubt our ability to thrive and access the abundance we see all around us in the world, reacting instead from the concern of scarcity and the expectation of failure, hurt, and disappointment. We may see ourselves in competition for the world's resources and the love and attention of others rather than realizing that there is more than enough of all that is good to go around. We forget that we manifest what we expect rather than needing to compete for limited resources.

Whenever we forget that we are magnificent beings and that there is plenty of wealth, happiness, fun, and fulfillment to go around, we might feel the need to protect ourselves from what we perceive to be a dangerous world. We likewise tend to forget that others operate from the same lacking self-confidence, scarcity of gratitude, and deficient self-love that we often do. So, whenever two or more individuals see themselves as not good enough to tap into the world's abundance and get all their needs met from a physical, social, mental, and emotional perspective, conflicts are likely to arise. The result is broken relationships, strained communication, emotional pain, struggle, and suffering. All of these are needless and optional for those who realize their ability to detach from the struggle and master their emotional response.

When we stop to realize that everyone else suffers from the same self-doubt and fear of being dominated and cheated out of getting their fair share of love, fun, money, possessions, and security, we can break the vicious cycle of endless competition and continual striving for domination. We can realize that cooperation and communication is more effective in producing harmony than competition and a focus on self-interest based on fear. We can intentionally choose to trust that others are doing the best they know how to do based upon how they see the world. We can assume that they act from good intentions, even when we fear the opposite. We can hold them as worthy, competent, loving, good natured and capable of creating win-win relationships rather than fearing them as hateful, ill meaning, incompetent, unworthy, selfish opponents.

When we decide to champion others by looking for the best in them and interact with them out of an attitude of gratitude for their gifts, strengths, and positive qualities, in such as manner that they are clear that we hold them as intrinsically good and worthy of our love and respect, we provide for them a new and exciting opportunity for them to show up for us in this manner. Our decision to hold others as great (because they really are when we strip away their anger, fears, and insecurities) allows them the freedom to rise to our expectations. By operating from love and gratitude for the wisdom and empathy we develop as a result of our interactions with others, we see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions producing valuable lessons from which to learn and grow rather than reflections of a fundamentally defective being.

The key to bringing out the best in others is non-attachment. When we realize that we have total control over our response to any situation, and we give up our right to be invalidated by others or control them, we will possess a newfound freedom that allows us to exit the drama of conflict in favor of understanding, compassion, and love. Decide now to be grateful for the challenges you will encounter in your life and business. See the problems that arise as opportunities for your personal development. Look for these challenges as you go about your day, be grateful when you encounter them, and seek out the gifts awaiting your discovery.

Exercise for Expanding Gratitude and Shifting Your Reactive Nature

  1. List all the things you have decided to be grateful for in your life and business.
  2. In your daily journal, record each time you fail to express gratitude for a challenging situation.
  3. Catch yourself reacting emotionally to what someone says or does and shift your perception in that moment to appreciate the learning experience at hand.
  4. In your daily life and business, who are you not holding as magnificent?
  5. How can you champion their excellence and express gratitude for the opportunity to grow in love and wisdom that they are gifting you instead of reacting with anger, sadness, or fear?
  6. Who are you seeking to control or avoid being controlled by? Will you take on the practice of non-attachment in your relationship with them by creating space for them to be who they are? Do this for 30 days and record in your journal how your interactions with them evolve. Make note of something that you can be grateful for in each situation.

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Dr. Joe Rubino is a life-changing life optimization and business coach and the best-selling author of The Self-Esteem Book and 11 other transformational books available worldwide in 19 languages. To receive a complimentary audio program entitled "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" and a free 1 year membership in The Success Achievers' Club ($129 value), visit Self Esteem System   For more information on his books, audios, and coaching program, visit Center For Personal Reinvention or email him at DrJoeRubino@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com

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Dr. Joe Rubino, creator of The Self-Esteem System, and CEO of Center For Personal Reinvention, is an internationally acclaimed expert on elevating self-esteem, a life-changing personal development and success coach on how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and dramatically increase productivity.  He is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.
 
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